What “Shirley” Taught Me About Misunderstanding My Audience

As a brand-new staff member, I was committed to doing things right. When the trainer told us to set up appointments to begin meeting with people immediately to build our team of partners, I was on it. Of course, I was nervous, too, but I was going to do everything I could to report to my ministry assignment as quickly as possible. 

My neighbor, “Shirley,” had expressed interest in learning more about my ministry, so she was the first appointment I booked. Her home was filled with Christian decor—crosses on the wall, decorative Bibles, and pillows with Scripture verses in needlepoint on the couch. She may not join my team, but I thought she would be open to hearing about the ministry and praying for me!

When I reached the point in our conversation where I invited her to consider becoming a financial partner, her smiling face turned to stone. She immediately stood from the chair beneath a framed calligraphy rendition of the 23rd Psalm and held the front door open. “Goodbye,” she said. I realized that I had misunderstood my audience. 

Whether you were raising support, sharing the gospel, or inviting someone to take the next step in following Jesus, I am confident that you have a few stories of your own where something similar has happened. You were confident that you understood your audience and how to approach them. Somewhere along the way, their posture towards you changed. Reflecting on the encounter, you struggled to understand where things went wrong. 

These occurrences happen to everyone. While they can be discouraging and sometimes even embarrassing, they can serve us well. These situations remind us that we cannot rely on assumptions. We have resources that can help us understand where people may be coming from and better meet them where they are as we pursue God’s mission with the people He has called us to reach. 

First, we have the Holy Spirit. He is our counselor and guide. He gives us wisdom and God’s heart for people. His heart allows us to love people with the same love that compelled Him to lay down His life for us all. Self-preservation is no longer our motive.

Another powerful tool for understanding people is the Audience Map. If it has been a while since you looked at it, new information has likely been added. Locate your audience on the map. Think about the conversation you had that did not go as planned, and look for reasons why that may have happened. What assumption did you make about your audience that was wrong? How would you change the approach next time? 

Looking back, I think Shirley was “Professing - Involved.” She had a strong identity as a “Christian” because it was part of her culture, but she was not comfortable with active involvement in the Great Commission. If she gave me a second chance at that conversation, I would have started by talking about God’s love for her, personally. I would have gone a little slower to make sure she understood the gospel. 

I am so very grateful for the resources God gives us to fulfill His calling on our lives. I am also grateful for His grace. Even when I fail to understand how to meet people where they are, all is not lost. The mission is His. He loves Shirley, and He loves me. We both need that gospel of His grace!